Serenity
by Caiman
Summary: Twenty years change so much. People are no exception.


Standard Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't sue me.  
  
Author's Notes: This is set in a no EoE sort of timeline, about 20 years into the future.  
  
SERENITY  
  
The chill spring breeze blowing through his covered porch brought Gendo Ikari out of his slumber, and caused the wind chimes near his old rocker to dance in the air. It had been so long since he'd felt so at peace. Those days, when he was little more than a slaghterer of children, an inhuman beast, seemed so far away now.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
The old man turned toward the voice, a voice that reminded him of those days long past.  
  
"Yu... Rei, how have you been?"  
  
The past twenty years had been kind to this delicate blue-haired woman who stood beside him. She was as beautiful as ever, almost a mirror image of the only woman the old man had ever loved. Her crimson eyes seemed to sparkle as she looked toward the midday sun. She gave the graying man a smile as she set his lunch on his lap.  
  
"Here you are Commander, soup and toast a la Ayanami. And a nice cup of Chamomille tea."  
  
"Please, Rei, I'm not a commander anymore."  
  
"Sorry, force of habit I guess."  
  
Just hearing that word reminded him of the past, when he was all but forced out of the country he'd once protected. Had he not come to this place, they would have killed him. Had he not come to this place, they would have killed the Children.  
  
Had he not come to this place, he wouldn't have known what it meant to lead a peaceful existence. And to some extent, he was thankful for this.  
  
"Gendo?"  
  
He looked up from his reverie. "What is it?"  
  
"Shinji sent us a letter."  
  
"My son did..."  
  
"Would you like me to read it to you?"  
  
"Please, my eyes aren't what they used to be."  
  
Rei sat down on a nearby stool and opened the envelope. "Let's see... he asks about your health and mine. He and Asuka are doing well, as is their daughter. She took her first steps on the eighth, and Shinji was upset because his video camera was in the shop. Asuka was..."  
  
The rest of the letter was lost on the old man as his thoughts drifted back to his son. He'd been absent for much of Shinji's life, and the old man readily admitted that he'd been a terrible father. He missed his son's wedding to the Second Ch- Asuka (he corrected himself), as well as the birth of his grandchild. All of this was really just a drop in the bucket compared to the torment he'd put Shinji through. The boy had grown into a fine, fine man, and the elder Ikari had never expressed his love toward the younger. It was a testament to Shinji's character that he even wrote his father, considering everything that had transpired between them.  
  
"Rei?"  
  
Her crimson eyes looked up from the letter. "Yes?"  
  
"Have you been seeing anyone recently?"  
  
Rei just smiled and put her hand on his. "Taking care of you is a full-time job. Besides, my work doesn't really allow me time for any sort of serious relationship."  
  
The old man smiled despite himself. "I see. I'm sorry... I have become a burden to you."  
  
"You're not a burden. This is the least I can do to repay you for those years you took care of me."  
  
Gendo took another sip of his tea. "Rei, I want you to promise me that you'll find someone special to you someday."  
  
She looked quizzically at him. "That's really-"  
  
"Just promise me, please."  
  
The woman sighed and patted his gray head as she picked up his tray. "All right, you insistent old goat, I'll see what I can do."  
  
As Rei walked back into the house, Gendo reflected on how robust her personality had become. This was hardly the meek, resigned Ayanami of twenty years ago. It was as if her now-vivacious ways were penance for those wasted years.  
  
Penance.  
  
This was a word that was never far from the old man's mind. Try as he might, he knew that his conscience would never be clear. His hands were to be forever tainted by the stench of blood and LCL, unwashable and unforgivable.  
  
He knew that he could never atone enough. The sins were immutable: murder, adultery, corruption, extortion, manipulation... there were too many to count.  
  
His thoughts relented as another breeze caused the wind chimes to sing, and his eyelids began to grow heavy. He silently asked for the forgiveness of everyone he'd hurt in his lifetime.  
  
"Ritsuko, Naoko, Kozou, Rei, Asuka... and Shinji, forgive this foolish old man his sins."  
  
With his prayer finished, the old man wished for one other thing as his eyes closed.   
  
"Yui... I hope I'll be able to see you again, my love..."  
  
Rei, came out of the house with his favorite blanket, the one she'd given him as a Christmas gift. "Gendo, it's getting cold so I thought you'd... Gendo?"  
  
The woman came to his side and put her slender fingers on his neck. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she put the blanket on his lap and kissed his forehead one last time.  
  
"Ja mata, Gendo Ikari."  
  
  
  
-------------END-------------------  
  
Author's Notes: I came up with this story a long time ago, and had never really thought about writing it. But, I felt that maybe there would be a few people in the community that might enjoy a story like this (I know I do). I'm aware there are a few holes and loose ends, but keep in mind that this is an old man's struggle with himself and that which haunt him. He won't cover all the bases, so to speak.  
  
Anyway, C&C are welcome, but no flames. If you think it blows, please state your answer in the form of a sentence! :D  
  
Later.  
  
-Caiman 


End file.
